You lie too (even if you don’t realize it).
There are two kinds of lying.
1) The first type is explicitly stating something you know is not true with intent to deceive.
If I say I am a 99-year-old woman, I am lying.
I am aware that I am neither 99 years old, nor am I a woman. So if I say this anyway, I’m lying. Let’s call this a Category 1 lie.
2) The other kind of lying is lying by omission, and it is more implicit. I call this a Category 2 lie.
If someone says something offensive to you, but you don’t say anything to express your offense, then you’re lying by omitting the truth of your reactions.
You enable others to conclude (incorrectly) that the comment made is okay with you, when in fact it was not.
That is a Category 2 lie.
Clients (and frankly all people) commit Category 2 lies all the time. Anytime there is a deviation from what you say (or neglect to say) and what you mean, you’re at risk of a Category 2 lie.
Many times Category 2 lies are harmless. Someone is smoking a cigarette outside. You walk by. The smoke bothers you. He didn’t ask how you felt. You didn’t volunteer the information.
Technically this is a Category 2 lie, but is it really that big of a deal? You’re never going to see this person again. By the time you realize the smoke bothered you, you’re already around the corner and will never see the person again.
However in other situations, Category 2 lies can be very damaging.
If you ask a client if they like your recommendation, and they say “yes” when they really mean they have some reservations, that’s a problem for you.
If you ask your spouse if he or she is happy with your marriage, and he or she says one thing, but omits the part about having doubts and concerns, that’s a problem too.
What I’m trying to impress upon you today is that very often there IS a difference between what people say (and don’t say) versus what they mean.
People with high intellectual intelligence (IQ) process what people say.
People with high emotional intelligence (EQ) recognize that sometimes what people say doesn’t always reflect what they really mean.
If you want to progress in your career and manage other people, you MUST possess or develop your emotional intelligence.
The #1 reason why high IQ professionals don’t advance in their careers is because their IQ is massively overdeveloped, relative to their EQ.
High IQ is great for individual contributor work.
High EQ is mandatory for leading and managing collaborative work that involves other people.
If your EQ isn’t as well developed as your IQ, your EQ is the constraint to your career. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. If your EQ is the weak link in the chain, consider developing it further.
I plan to teach more about this topic in the future. If developing EQ is of interest to you, just complete the form below to be included when I send out more about this topic.
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